If I had to give one key word to describe my experience during my Covid isolation, I would choose “CHALLENGE.” But that’s not the end of my story. I am still healthy, sitting here typing my blog and about to launch iC with two other awesome women in iC! Woo hoo!

I know I am able to regain my strengths, because there is resilience in me. The definition of resilience I like is “the capacity to recover from challenges” (Private training material from Beth Zemsky).

Every culture has a system of resilience. These years also gave me an opportunity to examine my own resilience system and how my original Chinese values and my learned Western values from Canada co-created that mechanism.

So, how do I do that?

1. Accepting

Surprise! 

Growing up in China, I undoubtedly have been influenced by Confucianism which shapes the Chinese value system. When facing adversities, accepting is my first go-to. We believe that all sufferings have a natural lesson for us. We are encouraged to accept it and adapt to it.

On the contrary, based on my learning and observation, western ways of dealing with adversities tend to focus on individuals’ capacity and internal strengths. They serve as tools to gain control over the circumstances.

I can see this difference of cultural resilience between my business partner, Jen, a Caucasian Canadian girl and myself. When we struggle, something I often say to her is “it’s meant to be, Jen. Let’s endure the pain and learn from it. You know in the future, when we look back, we will appreciate these tough experiences.” That shows a strong accepting attitude. 

Whereas, she is more likely to say, I don’t feel a lot of strength and motivation in me now. I’m going to take a break, maybe go for a hike to clear up my mind….

Even though acceptance also plays a role, her notion of resilience links more closely to individual competence, self-care, and taking action to regain control over the situation. 

But… I take action too. I don’t just accept and then lay down.

I think that’s why I resonate so much with Shakespeare saying: Take pains and be perfect. It validates my Chinese part of accepting (take pains), but also includes my Western value of focusing on the internal and individual sources of strength (be perfect).

See, I’m dancing between the two resilience systems!

2. Relationship

In times of suffering, Chinese families tend to bound even tighter, as responsibilities are shared within the entire family. Meanwhile, the family also gives you strength and motivation to endure the pain.

Why is it extremely hard to gain my strengths back during Covid?

Well, I can’t go back to my original family with my mom and dad in China to absorb their tender love and care, or give them a hug. I don’t have the chance to lay down with my mom in a quiet afternoon, talk through my challenges and reflections, and use some of her wisdom.

Not only does family connection give me a sense of responsibility, but also strength of elasticity to bounce back from a difficult situation. I used to take all these for granted, but now, I realized it’s luxury.

So, I have to seek alternate relationships. It has really given me an opportunity to bond closely with my husband, my business partners (Jen and Olive) and my friends in Canada.

I don’t usually share a lot of vulnerable emotions with my friends or colleagues, but I’ve now learned to share my vulnerabilities with people without a fear of being judged. I’ve had way more FaceTime calls and quality conversations with them during the pandemic than I ever did any time before. 

It’s certainly one of the blessings of my covid experience!

I have realized how the collectivistic part of me operates in times of difficulties. Yay for meaningful human connections!